ALCUITH, IRELAND—On his deathbed, witnesses reported that St. Patrick asked that his life of prayer and dedication to Christ be remembered by the somber consumption of large quantities of iced tea. “Let this day become …
ANTWERP—A shocking report published by Belgian gemologist Hilde Vermeulen has overturned long-standing conventional wisdom that children are precious. “In fact, children do not meet the criteria for a ‘precious’ grading,” Vermeulen said. “Out of the …
LOS ANGELES—William Drayton Jr, better known as Flavor Flav, showed up an hour late for a scheduled taping of an episode of his reality dating game show Flavor of Love on Sunday, March 11. The …
WASHINGTON, DC—Nine fired Trump advisors returned to Washington DC this afternoon in a show of force, riding on the backs of winged fellbeasts, locals reported. Current Trump officials fled, believing this move signaled President Donald …
WASHINGTON, DC—Special Counsel Robert Mueller found a surprise waiting for him Monday when he discovered that his office chair had been replaced with a poorly built contraption made of apple crates. Press Secretary Huckabee Sanders …
SAN FRANCISCO—Oscar, a seven-year-old mixed-breed Maine Coon, received an estimate last Thursday for an upcoming appendectomy surgery for his owner Jamie Doughty, a 30-year-old San Franciscan. After examining the statement from Saint Francis Memorial Hospital, …
CUPERTINO, CA—An emoji redesign will be splashing across Apple’s newly released high-def Retina displays this fall, and Apple is hoping that customers don’t swipe left. “iPhone users communicate with each other using the rich visual …
WASHINGTON, DC—Jerome Powell, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, has been reporting some lower bowel discomfort this past week. “Lack of liquidity has definitely been an issue”, the chairman said, “which I think has caused some inflation …
KATHMANDU, NEPAL—In what has been hailed as one of the greatest achievements in the 20th century, Edmund Hillary was the first man to conquer Mount Everest, the world’s highest mountain, setting foot on its summit …
© Two Fools News, LLC