This Moment in History: Achilles Hopes to Be Remembered for Shredded Abs

Achilles Hopes to Be Remembered for Shredded Abs

THESSALY, GREECE—Achilles, king of the Myrmidons, insists that his ab muscles will be the foundation of his enduring legend.

“I do a thousand crunches a day”, Achilles reported while displaying his impressive six-pack. “My name will live across the ages and forever be associated with perfect stomach muscles.”

Achilles had recently increased his training in preparation for war in Troy.  “My muscles form an impenetrable firewall around my stomach and organs”, the Greek hero said. “Arrows will simply bounce off my torso as though they had hit a stone wall.  It is my intention to have this anatomical region named after me.  People will lift their togas and say ‘Dude, check out my invulnerable Achilles’.”

Odysseus reportedly comforted Achilles.  “Don’t worry,” Odysseus told him, “we shall each achieve our desired legends.  You with your ab muscles and me with my days of carefree lounging at home, which I call Odysseys.”