Captain America Passes Infinity Stone

Captain America Painful Passes Infinity Stone

AVENGERS FACILITY, UPSTATE NY—Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America, passed an Infinity Stone through his urethra Friday, Nick Fury reported.

According to Fury, the stone in question was the Soul Stone, one of the six extremely powerful Infinity Stones.  The Soul Stone has been missing in Marvel mythology and is required by super-villain Thanos for populating the Infinity Gauntlet.  When the Gauntlet contains all six Stones, it will grant Thanos unlimited powers.

The Infinity Stone reportedly formed as a calcium concretion in the kidney of the 94-year-old leader of The Avengers before painfully making its way through his urethra.  Rogers had attempted to undergo ultrasonic therapy to disintegrate the stone; however, his vibranium shield absorbed the sound waves leaving the stone intact.  This failure unfortunately left only the conventional method of egress available.

At press time, Rogers was planning to form a foundation to raise awareness of Infinity Stones.