Politics

Jeff Sessions Gets Granny Chain for Glasses

WASHINGTON, DC—Attorney General Jeff Sessions has purchased a granny chain that attaches to his glasses. Granny chains  prevent people from losing their spectacles, and are especially popular among elderly dementia patients. “It can be hard to

Politics

President’s Daily Brief Supplied by Hanes

WASHINGTON, DC—President Trump’s daily brief is now being supplied by Hanes, according to Counter Terrorism Adviser Thomas Bossert. Trump was reportedly attracted to the XXL Hanes brief, specifically for it’s tagless design which he thought