NORTH ATLANTIC—Tensions between orcas and dolphins have been simmering all summer long, but hopeful signs of progress between the two marine mammals was reported Tuesday. Apparently it was the awesomeness of blowholes, the most prominent organ common to both species, that served as a centralizing issue upon which both parties could find agreement.
Orcas have long cited the maritime doctrine of freedom of the seas as a legal justification for encroaching into dolphin settlements, a point which many experts believed had led to the impasse. The orcas credit a dolphin named Bubbles for breaking through the state of detente with a powerful blast from his blowhole that got the attention of the orca leadership. Upon witnessing the thunderous spume from his proud orifice, the orcas began talks to acknowledge the dolphin settlements as a sovereign state and guarantee territorial fishing rights, ending the conflict.
Some experts urge caution in placing too much faith in the negotiations, noting that orcas have backtracked on previous pledges of peace such as those preceeding the infamous seal massacre of 1979. However both orcas and dolphins concluded that this time would be different, thanks to the blowhole acknowledgment.
Finding further common ground, all parties agreed that the blowhole of a porpoise looked like an upside-down asshole.