Sting Romantically Watching Every Breath You Take, Move You Make

SURREY, UK—Gordon Sumner, better known as Sting, has been stalking his former girlfriend after having been told to buzz off, according to a court report.  The report states that Sting, the former lead singer of The Police, was stung by the actual police and may face charges for violating a restraining order Friday.

Sumner has been under a restraining order since last summer that was issued at the request of ex-girlfriend.  When asked about why he disobeyed the restraining order, Sumner is reported to have said that “every little thing she does is magic, everything she do she turns me on.”

Police said that this was classic example of predatory behavior.  “Watching someone’s every taken breath and move? That’s not romantic,” said a police sergeant who asked not to be named. “That’s the behavior of a stalker—a stalker who deserves to spend some time thinking things over in the slammer.”

If convicted, Sumner may also need to begin taking literally the lyrics to another of his hits: Don’t Stand So Close to Me.